My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
