I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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