yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
