Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she peed on how many people?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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