The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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