His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
