Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
