"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
