i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
