I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
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Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
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People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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