My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
