It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
