So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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