I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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