Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize