I need help removing her.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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