Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
