Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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