my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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