I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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