my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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