i already hear my dad disowning me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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