I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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