I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
