ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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Sorry my hands just texted you
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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