Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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