I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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