i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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