her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
