I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
