I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
