Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
