I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
