He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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