im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
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Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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