Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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