my soul wont recognize me after tonight
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
