They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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