So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.