that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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