How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?