but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
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the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?