If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
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It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.