Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
this just has baby written all over it
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once