I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.