2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
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I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out