Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...