someone threw a dead crab at me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company