I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.