I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Congratulations! We have a period
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