I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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