Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.