he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
People in love make me want to vomit
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I think this conversation is over.
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only