i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home