Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.