She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"