the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
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i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
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im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van