I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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