i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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