Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
