she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
