Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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