Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize