He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.