Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.