This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.