I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.