Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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